On the verge of maturity

As the past few years have gone by and I've moved, had children, and joined a church I've realized how different my life is now compared to 8 years ago. I guess in other words I had no idea how lame, boring and awesome I have become. I thought I was awesome before but in retrospect, yeah not so awesome. I like me now. I sound like Stuart Smalley from SNL, "people like me." But it's true. I've matured a lot and although that makes me pretty lame and rather boring it's kinda awesome. I recently went out with a friend to see an 80's hair band. Yow! Reliving the glory days. Well not really Axl Rose was more my dads glory days but it was fun nonetheless. It was an interesting evening to say the least.

I wanted a night out of the house and away from the kids. I love my kids but a night out makes us all much happier. I picked just the right place but then I needed a friend to go with me. I really didn't want to be "that girl." Just sitting all alone at the table, teary eyed and mouthing the words to November Rain.  I found just the right friend and we hit the town. I say we hit the town, but really we more like strolled into it. We were 45 minutes late due to feeding all of our children, bathing them and tucking them all into their beds. Truthfully though, I think a large part of that 45 minutes was me trying to shimmy and shake into a pair of Spanx. That was at least 20 minutes that I'm not getting back. So we arrive and I got carded. Woo! I wanted to thank the girl for carding me and get my picture taken with her so I could put it in my scrap book, oh yeah, you bet I scrapbook. I'm a maniac with a pair of scalloped scissors. Anyway, I kept my glee to myself and played it cool, or as cool as I get. It's 8:45 at this point and the band starts at 9. There aren't too many people there and it's not very loud. All good stuff in my eyes. My friend and I are doing some people watching and exchanging some giggles it's all wonderful. Well 9:30 rolls around and the band finally starts. 30 minutes late in true rock star fashion I guess. Didn't their mothers ever tell them it's rude to keep people waiting? If you know you have to Aqua Net your hair and put on ripped fishnet sleeves each night, plan ahead for petesakes. So it wasn't long before the men and women that were huge Montley Crue fans back in the 80's start popping out of the wood work. I saw so many butterfly boob tattoos I thought I was going to faint. There were ripped up jeans and leather jackets everywhere. The 40 somethings were reliving the good ol' days. I say more power to ya, but it makes me wonder when I'm in my 40's and there is a Nirvana cover band somewhere will I show up with unwashed hair and my hoodie with holes in sleeves for my thumbs? So it was good fun and lots of laughs. I knew the words to most of the songs and the giant hair do's and spandex on stage were priceless. But then as the night went on and the drinks were flowing for everyone around me my maturity kicked in and I started being more annoyed then entertained. At some point the crowd went from having a good time to just trying to get laid. It was actually pretty gross and sad. I saw women there that were probably pushing 50 and they were acting like some drunk college girl. They were practically throwing themselves at anyone who would light their cigarette. Even high five guy took a turn for the worst. Oh! I didn't tell you about high five guy. When we first arrived there was a guy going around Woo'ing and high fiving everyone. WOO! *high five* walk away strutting like  peacock. He was hilarious. Well at some point high five guy must have taken a turn for the worst because after a couple hours I saw high five guy still trying to high five as his girlfriend was dragging him to the car begging him to stop Wooing in her face. Poor high five guy's girl friend. I've been that girl, it's no fun.

I was struggling with my annoyance as the night went on and my Spanx didn't help. I had to pee about 50 times and getting in and out of those suckers is not pretty. I was drenched in sweat every time I came out of the bathroom stalls. I caught the eye of another big girl like me and we nodded at each other I think she understood my pain. Next time I'm using the handicapped stall, there's more room to kick my legs around wildly. How's that for a mental picture? Anyway, due to my countless trips to the restroom I over heard a ton of lovely conversations like the girls who argued over who would hold who's hair back first. I also heard a woman complain that her G-string was cutting into her because she had to pull it up so high so that it stuck out of her jeans. Now I didn't say it but I'm thinking to myself, woman you aren't supposed to wear your undies on the outside of your pants. That stuff is for super heroes and based on the way you look the only thing you are super at is...well never mind you get where I was going. It was no better outside of the bathroom either. There were lots of girls who were rubbing there barely covered buns on anyone who would look at them. There was a poor girl there who showed up in what looked like a prom dress and 5 inch stilettos. I can't even imagine how badly her feet must have hurt after going to a rock concert in that high of a shoe. I was in flip flops and my feet hurt after 3 hours. It may seem like I'm picking on the girls but trust me there were plenty of guys to observe as well. There was the gym rat dude that couldn't put his arms all the way down to the side who just kept moving his ball cap frontwards then backwards then back again and readjusted his junk about 40 times. I don't know what's going on down there but he must have worn his cup to the concert. There was the fresh out of the pen crazy eyes guy that I kept standing as far away from as possible. He licked his lips every time a cute girl walked past him. What is that? It's like watching Sylvester the cat salivate over Tweety bird. Is referencing Looney Toons weird? I have small children it's all I have to work with these days.  There was also the guy who came by himself dressed to the nines and just hangs out by the bar. That guy seemed nice, he didn't do anything gross but he just looked kinda sad and it made me think that he wasn't there for music but more for some attention and he didn't get any. Nice guys don't seem to get much attention in these types of situations. The guys who treat women like garbage are racking up the phone numbers and having trashed girls twerk for them. Who Twerks at a heavy metal concert!? You're 40 you can't Twerk knock it off!

 I wasn't trying to be the stick in the mud at the concert but I only made it till 11:30. I saw a guy put his hands down the front of his wife's pants and I said "I'm Out! This stuff just got weird." It's unfortunate that these concerts are held in bars because the music itself was a lot of fun but I just couldn't be around that much bad decision making. I came home just sort of sad for those people and grateful that I am no longer one of them. I'm happy with who I am, I'm happy with my decisions, I'm happy to be boring. It kind of suits me. I reference cartoons and have a crush on the blue Wiggle, if you don't know who that is look him up. I would rather curl up in peace with a good book and a hot cider then have to deal with, who gets to throw up first girls. Those days are over for me and I'm cool with that. The best part of my night was walking in the door with What-a-Burger in my hand and being greeted by a freshly awoke 2 year old. He had sleep in his eyes, cute little jammies and was dragging his blankie behind him. He sees me and just lifts his arms to be picked up. Now that is the way to end your night, well that and sitting in your bed with your 2 year old munching on french fries, snuggling and watching the Golden Girls Now THAT is the perfect way to end a crazy night.

On the verge of aging

Yesterday was the day I had feared for my entire adult life, the day I knew would be the end of my life. The day the world cashed in it's dues and collected all that I had. The day I turned *gulp* 30! I was determined to not turn this terrible number and I did my best to hide this birthday from my friends.  I had convinced myself that if I willed it strongly enough that the day would simply pass me by there by giving me one more year to be 29. Ya know, like a do over year. That could happen right? Well no apparently it doesn't and the day came and went and I was in deed..that age. I don't want to say it again.The major reason I have such an issue with this birthday is not because I feel like as soon as I turn 30 I'm old. In all reality I've felt old for quit awhile. I wake up in the morning and every bone in my body cracks and pops. My body sounds like popping bubble wrap as soon as my feet hit the floor. I'm not the girl who cares about grey hair or wrinkles so that aspect is lost on me. My problem is, I thought I would be in a different place at 30. Allow me to explain. I always thought 30 was the life stability finish line. I thought at 30 you should be rocking a Cleaver's style life and all would be right in the world. I should own a home, I had a home and lost it. I should be married. I was, twice, and now I'm not anymore. I should have well mannered, sweet, angel eyed children. I do not. I have wild, crazy, often times disobedient children.  I should have a good job. I do not. I used to have a great job, I had a wonderfully successful daycare that I loved very much and planned to do until I was to old to open a baby food jar. I should at least have a nice car. I do not. I have a minivan with body damage and a strange smell that just never goes away so I've quit trying to find it. I don't have the things and have not met the milestones that I thought I would by 30. So I had a choice come birthday time, A. stew about getting older and throw myself a pity party or B. go see Thor 2 and eat cheesecake. Thanks to my roommate and friend who refused to let me sulk I chose Thor 2 and cheese cake and it was the best decision ever. 

It's hard to believe that one movie going experience can change my whole perspective on 30. You would think that at 30 it's not still exciting and hilarious to sneak candy into the movie theater, turns out it's still awesome. I felt so dangerous, like a candy sneaking ninja or something. Now does the movie theater know people sneak in candy? Of course they do. Did I feel any less like James Bond? Nope. I was so stealth that even if they would have made me show the contents of my purse they wouldn't figure it out. Although that wasn't entirely on purpose. The contents of my purse confuse me and I know why things are in there, so to an outsider it would have been mass confusion. Last time I checked in there I had a WWE wrestler figurine, a fortune cookie, a bottle of acrylic paint and a Barbie head and that was just the high points not to mention the mounds of receipts,  tissues and loose change. So anyway, I snuck in my Hot Tamales and licorice and I was very amused with myself. I did not however sneak in the popcorn, not that I haven't in the past but I didn't bring the big purse this time. So my friend and I get into the concession line and what do I see? Novelty Thor 2 collector cups! Like manna from heaven God blessed me with the cup to hold enough Coca Cola to make me stay awake for the rest of my life. This cup was ridiculously large and flashy and so not my style, I needed one. So we giggled like little school girls and my friend and I each grabbed one. I love my Thor cup and I will cherish it always. On a side note, I'm very grateful that the action figure pops off the top of that cup because I had that little bugger in my mouth while searching for my straw way more then I'm comfortable with. So now my little Thor sits righteously on my night stand and greets me every morning with his hammer in the air and love in his eyes. Well truthfully my figure is a little cross eyed but I see love nonetheless. I'm off track, so we go into our movie with our giant Thor cups, our popcorn that could feed an army and my law breaking candy and we prepare for the movie. I probably should have scoped out our seats a little better though because I found that people get very uncomfortable in their chairs when you are lusting over a shirtless Thor on the big screen. Don't judge me, that man is gorgeous. I'm just saying that next time I need to sit near more single women and less older couples because even though it was dark I could feel the cutting stares and hear the uncomfortable shuffling in their chairs. I couldn't help it every time he slammed that hammer down or landed on the ground forcefully a grunt or a sigh just came flying out of my mouth and I had no power to stop it. Thor is my dream man what is so wrong with that? Guys like Thor are into chubby, 30 year olds, with 3 kids and a mini van right? I thought so. 

So the movie is done and it is almost 10 p.m. *gasp* What? I'm not home and it's 10 p.m.? #YOLO That's right we went to the 7:45 showing of Thor 2. That's almost the last show of the night we were regular rebels. Truthfully, had it not been for my giant Thor cup full of Coke I may not have made it through the movie, well played movie theater, well played. It's pretty bad when I'm 30 years young and being out at 10 is the most rebellious thing I'm capable of. Oh well such is life with three kids. My night was a grand success already and it wasn't even over yet. Just being out of  the house and away from my beloved children was a better gift to me then diamonds. I love my children to tiny little pieces but I'm a better mother to them when I get a night out by myself every so often. So the movie is over and I am standing outside of the restrooms waiting on my friend and I see all of these guys walk out of the theater, now I don't know if it was just me or what but those boys were so much cuter before I watched Thor. Have I ruined my possibilities for meeting a guy? Have my standards been raised so high now that no one will ever compare? Have I doomed myself to a life of solitude for the endless pursuit of Thor? No, probably not, it was dark in the theater and not in the hallway and I just need about a month to get over Thorshock. 

So next my friend and I are driving back from the movies and I am in tears with laughter. My sides are aching my cheeks are hurting it was amazing. Even at 30 you can laugh with a girl friend about boys, underpants, or whatever it is and it's just as satisfying as it ever was. As you can tell we had some pretty deep meaningful conversation on the way home :) I realized that just because I'm getting older and just because I'm a grown up now doesn't mean I have lost the joy in those small things that have always meant so much to me. When we got home there was a birthday margarita waiting for me because my room mate rocks. Naturally, I poured my birthday margarita into my awesome new cup and continued the birthday celebration. We all settle onto the couches in the living room and what does the room mate do? He put's on The Avengers. Best. Roommate. Ever. As we all know The Avengers has Thor in it. You all knew that right, it's not just me? So now I have Thor and a margarita and I care Way less that I have turned 30. As I was watching the movie and as the margarita is getting lower and lower I start thinking, maybe I'm a dork. I tell my roommates that I think I might be a dork based on my love of comic book characters and the fact that I intend to marry a fictional character who wields a magic hammer. They looked at me like " You are just Now realizing your a dork?" It was at this point I decided it was bedtime. I went up stairs I kissed my Thor figurine good night placed him lovingly on my alarm clock and drifted off to sleep in the hopes to see Thor again in my dreams. 

I awoke the next day and I was still happy from the night before and greeted by cross eyed Thor. I still felt blessed by all the birthday wishes from all over the country.  I still had an amazing household and left over birthday cheese cake breakfast, and I was still 30. Little did I know, life doesn't end at 30 like I thought it would. I was still here and I had another day to keep getting closer the goals I think I need to meet. As the day went on and the hang over went away I began thinking deeply about what my life was like right now and why I feel it should be different. I don't know where all of this pressure came from that I placed on 30 but it's OK now. God must have different plans for me. I thought my goals were husband, house, car and money. I have had all of those things and they were taken from me so that must not be what he wants for me. I sit here now at 30 and I'm thinking what are the goals God wants me to reach by 40? Here is what I have so far  further my walk with Christ, make the world a better place, and marry Thor. I'm pretty confident this is all I need by 40 to be happy.