A woman on the verge

I am a woman on the verge. I am on the verge of just about everything in my life. It’s an uncomfortable yet amusing place to be most of the time. I am on the verge of insanity for sure. I have three kids, two ex-husbands, two jobs, a wonderful church, virtually no social life and a partridge in a pear tree. OK I have no partridge and no tree. I am on the verge of change in my career. I’m finding it hard to keep up with the daily grind of an office. However I will continue to make my copies and refill coffees until a career move arises. Lastly I am on the verge of a better Christian life. I am a proud Christian right now but man do I have some work to do. Follow me if you will through my journey of Life on the Verge to fully crossed over life…Eventually.

As I mentioned I have three kids and they are absolutely wonderful however they do in fact drive me to the verge of insanity, for example when I am finally in the shower after a very long day all I want to do is stand underneath a glorious stream of warm water and let the days worries wash off of me. What actually happens is I have to go through a 5 minute spiel to the kids about not answering the door and keeping it locked, staying away from the oven, why they shouldn't punch each other, be quiet and don't wake up the baby and so on and so on. Then when I finally get to the bathroom and turn the water on everyone in the whole house needs me. They didn’t need me before but that water sets off some kind of a flare in their minds and suddenly all of life’s questions need to be answered right now. The last time I was in the shower my six year old came in and sat on the toilet seat and asked me things like “Does God use Google?” and “What do kittens dream about?” I love those kids more than life itself but boy would it be nice to have one shower that didn’t involve a Philosophy lesson.

I also mentioned my jobs. I have one job that pays most of my bills and I don’t like it, the job that is, not paying the bills although to be honest that stinks too. The job itself is perfectly fine and I’m very grateful to even have a job. It’s just not the job I hope to have forever. At this job I answer the phone in my best forced chipper voice, I say forced because nothing about me is chipper before 8:00 a.m. I would dare say before 8:00 a.m. I verge on surly. I’m usually pleasant after about 2 cups of coffee and granola bar. However for best mood results I must consume coffee and donuts, granola will only get you so far. I also copy things, I file things and I fax things. It’s pretty boring job but I've found that it does give me some motivation to get out of my ratted old T-shirts and flip flops and actually take some pride in my appearance, not much but a little and that can't be all bad. I'm now taking enough care that people don't think I'm homeless but not enough that I have any kind of standard to uphold. For example my legs will get shaved but only on days that I'm wearing shorts, or I will always wear clean clothes but I probably picked it up out of a pile of clean clothes so it's probably wrinkled. I like to not set the bar too high when it comes to personal up keep, past always being clean it's any ones guess what I will look like day to day.

My weekend job is wonderful. I teach a class of Kindergarten through 5th grade kids the joys of being a Christian and growing up with the glory of God to support them. I’m the children’s director at my church. It’s incredible. My church puts me on the verge of exploding with joy. You will find that for the most part my week is just in an effort to get to Sunday. Monday through Saturday is a marathon and Sunday is my finish line. I am terribly out of shape so to call my week a marathon is really saying something. I think one of these Sundays when I walk through the double doors in the front of church I will run through with my arms in the air and break through some imaginary finish line tape. I bet that would get people talking. “Did you see that Sarah girl run into church this morning? She looked like Marion Jones only pail and chubby.” I live for my Sundays and for my Sunday family no matter what happened during my week I always have my church and the people in it.

I am not a perfect person and I will never be one but I am striving to do better especially in my Christian life. I love the Lord and I love learning about him and being in his presence although it's a little hard to hear the Lord talking to you when there is always a 10 month old baby hanging off your hip screaming in your face and biting your shoulder. It's hard to find quiet time to read my bible because usually by the time I am through reading Fancy Nancy for the 400th time I'm pretty sick of reading for the night. I intend to make strides in my Christian life and got off the verge of a big change and actually into it. This should be pretty entertaining; I hope God has a sense of humor.

So this is all just the introduction to my verge lifestyle. My kids put me on the verge of insanity and I wouldn't have it any other way. My first job puts me on the verge of dying of boredom but I'm very grateful to have the job and the things it provides for me, like contact with people who don’t scream in my face and bite my shoulder. I may kick and scream and hiss when I have to get up and go to work every day but for now it’s how I'm making the money so I will continue to shave and force nice before 8:00 a.m. My second job puts me on the verge of exploding with joy every Sunday when I get in the doors and break through that finish line tape. I hope to continue my walk with Christ and hope that he will reveal to me more opportunities in my life to serve him, I'm also kind of hoping he will reveal the answer to whether or not God has Google so I can answer my son's question the next time I'm in the shower.