Are you on the verge of reincarnation?

 If I were to believe in reincarnation I would think that coming back as my 4 year old daughters clothes would be the worst possible punishment ever. You think coming back as a bug is bad that’s nothing compared to the life you will have as a future Broadway stars wardrobe.

You will never be with your mate or match ever again.

My daughter’s clothes haven't matched in 3 years. After the age of about 18 months my daughter stopped wearing her outfits as an intended set. I was delighted to buy outfit sets with a sailing theme, a kitten theme or a cute little strawberry pattern, but before I knew it there were kittens on the top, sailboats on the bottom, and strawberries on the socks. I quit trying to correct it when she would stick her hand on her hip and exclaim "I do it Mom, I do it!" Okie dokie sailboats and kittens it is then. Frankly as long as she would leave it on her body I didn't try to fight it. My daughter went through a pretty serious naked phase that lasted way too long. I'm talking duct tape on the diaper to make sure she couldn't get Totally nude in public. The second we would hit the front door for home she was down to a diaper (because she couldn't get the tape off or that would be gone too). So as I said, I would have let her wear army fatigues and neon pink zebra print as long as she kept it on her body. I have claimed for many years that she is merely expressing herself through her mismatched wardrobe. However now that she is 4 I'm wondering if it's less expression and more just being lazy.

You will be easily replaced.

The thought of counting how many wardrobe changes my daughter makes in a day makes me shudder. I have actually taken away her clothes before and rationed out how many clothes she got in a day. On the weekends she doesn’t even play with toys this girl changes outfits for fun. The best part is when she changes outfits she changes personalities. When she wears her boots and a poofy dress she’s a cowgirl. When she wears her leotard and dance shoes she’s a cross between Bella Ballerina and Alex from Flash Dance. When she wears her ball gown she is Queen of the Universe, get the picture? As her mood changes her clothes change, when she is tired the outfits get simpler like a pull over dress and leg warmers. When she is off school on a Saturday the outfits are wild and fun and frequent and usually involve every accessory she owns. No outfit is sacred, you will be easily replaced and eventually you will end up on the floor.

You will never be where you belong ever again and you will be trampled regularly.

Generally the condition of that girls closet can best be described as a disaster. I know the clothes go in the closet clean, sorted and some are neatly hung on hangers. I know this because I put them in there that way. It only takes a matter of a few minutes and the clothes will be all over the floor and half pulled off the hangers. I'm convinced that my daughter has a little sensor that goes off in her head that tells her when clothes have been laundered and neatly put in her room. That sensor goes off and she must immediately go straight to her room and try on every outfit she owns. This wouldn't be so bad if she didn't throw the first clean outfit on the floor so as to put on the next clean outfit. She will then repeat this process until she has worked her way all the way through her clean clothes and they are all back on the floor, which is where I picked them up from to begin with. Perhaps from now on I will launder the clothes and then walk into her room and just thrown them in every which direction. They will end up there anyway. The clothes were clean for roughly 30 minutes then they are just trampled and kicked around until the next laundry day.

You will come home from school permanently disfigured.

I cannot for the life of me figure out what my daughter manages to get into but sometimes she comes home from school looking like she just did a Navy Seal qualifying obstacle course and not preschool. She will have rips and tars in weird places. How she got a hole in her shirt right in the middle of her back is beyond me. My guess is crawling on her belly underneath barbed wire. She will have major stains that make no sense. I have looked at a stain on my daughter’s shirt and then consulted the school lunch menu paper to see if I can figure out the stain. Don't judge me I need to know! The shirt will appear to be covered in baked beans and looking at the menu it says cream corn. Where did the beans come from?! How she covers herself in ketchup on macaroni and cheese day baffles me too. Her stains do not make sense. I used to try and battle the stain now if I treat it and it doesn't budge, the stain wins and I throw it out. There are just too many mystery stains and rips she must be getting out of preschool early and working part time as a farm hand somewhere.

You will not be used for your proper purpose.

My little girl is very creative when it comes to dressing. To us we see a pair of regular old tights. You remember the ones, the hot itchy wool tights that you swore you would never make your kid where. Those would be the ones. We see tights my daughter sees pigtails. This girl will wear a pair of wool tights on her head All Day Long and happily play Rapunzel. She will "brush" her tights, she will "braid" her tights she will even use ribbon to tie her tights back while she brushes her teeth. It doesn't stop at tights either she will also put on a shirt and then pull it up over her head as if to take it off, but she won't pull it all the way off and then she has a glorious full mane of beautiful T-shirt hair. To me she looks more like a nun in a habit but to her it is more like Tina Turner hair. It won't stop at shirts either my little dear has been known to tie leggings around her waist and use them as a belt, Socks on her hands as gloves, and once I even found her tying her clothes together to make a fort.

So if you believe in reincarnation it is in your best interests to get right with this world because you Do Not want to come back as my daughter’s clothes, you will be in for a rough existence.