I
feared this day would come but I had no idea it would come at only 6
years of age. Why did it have to happen to my daughter? I just never
thought it could happen to a family like ours. It's just too
awful. Lord help me, my daughter has discovered the joys of
gymnastics. She
has perfected the art of the cart wheel and it's been all down hill
ever since.
She
now spends more time with her head on the floor then her feet. I
walked into her room the other day to find her doing a "wall
stand" that's all well and good but she was also breaking her
mini blinds in the process. She doesn't care who is hit on her quest
for the perfect hand stand. Wherever she is and whomever she is
around are all in danger of having a wayward leg come crashing down.
All the pictures on the wall and knickknacks on
the shelves are clinging to life as she slams down on the
floor working on her round off. She wakes up in the morning
toes pointed, cheesy grin on her face and her arms raised above her
head in some glories "stuck the landing" victory pose
and it remains all day. I
just don't have the heart to tell the poor child she has my sense of
balance which is comparable to Humpty Dumpty and only delusions of
grace. I thought I was the next Dominique Dawes when I was that age
but my God given athletic ability alluded me. I spent more time in
casts and splints then a Hollywood stunt woman. Let me paint you a
picture. I once broke both of my feet at the same time while
snow sledding down a hill in my church parking
lot. Both feet. Same time. Done. In my defense it was
a particularly icy hill and I really had no choice in
doing it or not because it was a Double Dog Dare and as we all know
you cannot back out of the double dog dare. I was coming off an ugly
lose at kick the can (anything athletic was not my strong suit)
and I had to make up for it. I
had to reinstate my street cred so to speak. Getting a better picture
of what my daughter is up against? Genetics are not working in her
favor here. This phase is going to benefit the ER only, and
the phrase "ass over tea kettle" rolls through my mind
on a regular basis. I've started stockpiling ice packs and
ace bandages and hunkering down until this is all over. Let
this be a warning to my friends to be very careful who you let
your little ladies befriend.
My
daughter has become friends with the sweetest, nicest, little girl
around and I love her to pieces. The thing is, this little girl is a
gymnast and has been for a long while. She can lay on her belly and
bend into a triangle so her toes touch her nose. Take that mental
picture in for a moment...Yeah. She can bend in any way imaginable
and has the balance of a cat. She has taught my daughter some of her
moves and lets just say I think I should start screening these play
dates better. I've been looking for obvious dangers but I need to
start figuring out their extracurricular activities and their family
line too. Question one: Are you now or have you ever been
in gymnastics? If yes, Move on! Gymnastics appears to be
contagious and this is for my child's safety. (and for
insurance purposes) Question two: Does your family line
include Viking warriors? If yes, Move on!
You're family is obviously stronger then mine,
we're Irish we don't exert ourselves unless
we absolutely have to and tend to fall over for no good
reason. Question
three: Do you listen to today's pop music? If yes, Move on! I know
that doesn't have anything to do with my daughter being as
graceful as a baby giraffe but I figure if we are screening we should
probably cover all the bases. If I hear my sweet child sing the
words to One Directions “Beautiful” one more time I'm making her
move out. Yes, One Direction I get it you like girls who don't know
they're beautiful, Mine is not for you then, she spends more time in
front of the mirror then the evil queen in Snow White. The rest of
the questions will be a work in progress as my sweet babe gets older
and starts hanging out with new kids. What's
next the kid who secretly raises exotic poisonous animals, or how
about the kid who rides BMX and has X-games aspirations?
Maybe I will get lucky and she will find the little girl who wants to
teach her how to knit and encourages her to join 4-H...I'm doomed.I
will begin thinking of all my screening questions as of this moment.
I will then compile the questions into a book named "50
questions to ask a perspective play date for your child to
ensure they do not encourage your child to
participate in activities that are beyond their
abilities" (The title needs work) and market it to mothers
with young daughters and become a millionaire. Then I will
finally be able to pay off the medical bills I am about
to accrue from my daughter thinking she's an Olympic
gymnast. It's not a fool proof plan but it's the best I've got so
far. Wish me luck, when I laid my sweet angel down to bed tonight she
asked me if we could get uneven bars for the back yard. The
adorable sweet and well behaved friend is no longer welcome in this
house.
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